When I wake up in the morning and the living room is blue from a sun yet to rise over the tops of surrounding buildings I sit crossed legged and close my eyes. I take a few deep breaths and draw my attention over every inch of my body as my breath permeates each cell. “Wake up, wake up, wake up. It’s morning time!” I say to my skin, bones, muscles, and organs. My eyes are closed as my attention centers in the middle of my brain. I meditate. I see a bright six-pointed star. I move it down to the earth and back up to below my feet. I see light surrounding my body in a column. I place two lids on my column, and I connect with the center of the universe. I say my mantra as I complete the session. I am God, I am sovereign, I am free. I do this every day.
When I’m done I reach for my journal. It’s covered in a floral print with a black background. A black pen is clipped to the front. I unclip the pen and use the threaded bookmark to return to where I left off the day before. Today’s date goes on the upper left side and the day of my cycle goes on the right. Commence writing. It’s a splurge of present feelings, thoughts, nighttime dreams, bodily sensations, or even my to-do list. It’s a repository for the overflow of Paula. It’s how I know myself. Some days it’s three sentences and other days it’s five pages. My heart goes here.