The Trick of Change
I woke up the other morning feeling vulnerable. I felt tender and sensitive to the world around me. I hadn’t quite arrived fully into my own skin from the dream world. But an abiding discomfort was present. It frightened me. And the decisions of the previous day lurched forward from around a dark corner in my mind.
“Ah!” I say, startled. “It’s you!”
The discomfort of change.
You’re that feeling I get when I wake up in the morning and just feel – off. Not the “funky” kind of off. But the “oh, something’s different” kind of off.
You’re that feeling that brings along with it your favorite friends: The Critic and The Fearful One. I know it’s you because I feel uncomfortable and your friends won’t stop talking.
They say… “Oh, I did it again. Now, why’d I go and do that? Can’t you see things were going just fine. We don’t need to be goin’ around making unnecessary splashes where a serene pond rests just fine.”
And then… “Okay, well, what can I do to reverse this? I’ve got to make this feeling go away ASAP. And, well, pretty much the only way to do that is to backtrack. Who do I need to apologize to? How do I need to explain myself? And what rationalizations do I need to make things better?”
If I’m not careful, then I get sucked into that windstorm and carried back to former lands. And all the change of yesterday pours down the drain while I lay wounded from my failed attempt once again.
Change isn’t for the weak of heart or spirit. It requires a deep calling from within oneself to do something different – once and for all. And it takes self-awareness to know when the old ways creep back in to draw you back.
You may think… “Nah, I got this.” Yea but just you wait. You tell me, how do you respond when that discomfort enters the picture? When you’re lying there at night, resting after a long, courageous day of new actions from a new you and your guard slips.
Your vulnerability starts to show as your confidence and defenses pack it in for the night. And in creeps the discomfort along with his friends. This trio has a pack full of tricks that’ll take you down in a heartbeat, especially at those moments when your self-awareness starts to wane.
See here’s the trick to out-tricking the tricksters. You know that feeling I told you all about in the beginning? That discomfort? It’s not the “funky” kind but the “something’s different” kind. Yea, that one.
Watch it. Know it. Be curious about it. Feel it. Touch it. And remember it. Because it’ll be back around each and every time you make a change.
I let that
I get out of bed and walk to the toilet. We sit together. And by the time I brush my teeth he’s gone. His friends didn’t even get a chance to come on the scene because I sidestepped their first trick. And that’s the most important trick of all to sidestep.